New Baby Advice - Establishing a Schedule

You might start to see a schedule form early on, but generally I would not worry about it or even look for it until sometime between 3 and 4 months. And even then, you will have to go with the flow because baby will do something to "mix it up" daily or weekly. Or you might have two similar schedules that vary only slightly, depending on when baby wakes up every morning.

Your goal in life after baby is born is to work towards getting him/her to sleep through the night. So, you want to try to feed baby 6 times during your wake hours and twice overnight. And ideally, that first middle of the night feeding will disappear, followed by the second.

And, once baby is sleeping through the night, you have graduated to what one friend calls "The Blockbuster Phase." This means that you can watch a movie on the couch after baby goes down without falling asleep ten minutes into the film!

Here is a schedule that worked for me:

7am - nurse/formula8am - nap #1

10am - nurse/formula

11:30am - nap #2

1pm - nurse/formula

2:30pm - nap #3

4pm - nurse/formula

5:30pm - nap #4 (usually very short and maybe even just 30 minutes in the swing)

7pm - nurse/formula

8:00pm - bedtime!

10pm - nurse (dream feed - take baby out of crib while still asleep and get a few ounces in her. Don't wake her, burp her or change the diaper unless it has poo.)

This is a rough guideline, meaning that he might wake up at 6am and then you adjust everything. Or maybe his middle nap goes until 2pm, so that 1pm feeding is at 2pm. You can push everything slightly or cram nursings by doing them every two hours to get caught up.

And then, as baby gets older, you eliminate feedings. At about 6 months, I did cereal at 10am instead of nursing. I did this because I noticed baby was not nursing much at the 10am and 1pm feedings. He would continuously get distracted and probably only nurse a couple of minutes each side. So, for about 10 days or 2 weeks, I pumped at 10am and gave him just cereal (to make sure it wasn't just a phase.)

Bottom line - every baby is different, so don't stress the day-to-day.  Just look at the overall picture, what baby does most of the time.  And remember that the newborn phase is the shortest phase of your child's life!  GO WITH THE FLOW!

Easier said than done, right?

New Baby Advice - Dream Feed!?

Much like waking a sleeping baby, this was hard for me. The dream feed is a practice where you go into your baby's room at about 10pm and take him out of the crib and nurse or give a bottle while he is still partially asleep. This is to get a couple more ounces in him so he sleeps longer. It definitely worked for us early on. For the first 5.5 weeks, my son woke up twice in the night (1am and 4am or so.) This is very typical. Then, he dropped that 1am feeding. With the dream feed, he was able to sleep until 4am and sometimes even 5am.

One thing I will emphasize. The dream feed actually stopped working and we believe hindered his sleep progress at about 3.5 months. He started sporadically sleeping through the night - maybe 2-3 times at 2.5 months and maybe 6-8 more times by 3.5 months. But then, all of the sudden, at 3.5 months, he started waking up 2-6 times a night. He never wanted to eat, he would just cry and go NUTSO. If we put him on the changing table to check his diaper, he would smile and start kicking and want to play.

We tried EVERYTHING. We started giving him a huge bottle of pumped milk before bedtime (7pm) instead of me nursing. We started cereal right at four months. We tried a bath every night to get a good ruotine in place. Well, when a friend heard that he wasn't eating in the night anymore, she suggested cutting out the dream feed.

We were SO scared, but what did we have to lose? He was already up sometimes every hour and at least once a night he would wake up and stay up for 1-2 hours - but he was never interested in eating. And we are going on about 5 weeks of this. So, we eliminated it and within three nights, he was sleeping through the night! I don't know if the dream feed was disrupting his REM sleep, or maybe making him gassy since we didn't burp him, but eliminating it worked for us

Now, I will tell you that for about 2 months after that, he would still wake up mysteriously one or two times a week crying for no apparent reason. And he still does once every couple of weeks. I hear this never ends!

Pregnancy Advice - Mastering Your Doctor Visits

It is easy to be intimidated when you visit any doctor, but especially your OBGYN.  Not only are you often in a vulnerable position (physically), you are probably very new to the whole pregnancy thing!  But keep in mind that you will be seeing a lot of him or her and so you should be comfortable at each visit.  Figure out what you need from him or her so that each time you leave an appointment, you’ll feel satisfied with your visit.

Keep a notebook with you or by your bed and jot down questions for your next doctor visit. I guarantee if you think you will remember them once you get there, well you might. But you will forget as soon as he or she dashes in for your allotted three minute visit!

THINGS TO ASK:

-mention any pains, funny feelings, etc.

-if you are concerned with any of the questionable foods (peanut butter, deli meat, fish)

-ask about ANY medicines you might want to take (vitamins, herbal supplements, allergy, constipation or heartburn relief)

-any symptoms you might have - doctor might have a way to relieve your discomfort

-don't be intimidated to ask for an explanation or clarification on a particular procedure

Later on, make sure to discuss your birthing plan with your doctor

-does she use forceps or vacuum?

-what is his belief on induction, c-section, etc.

-will you want an epidural, other pain medication, etc.?

-what about circumcision?

-having the father cut the cord

-any factors that are important to you and your delivery (dimming the lights, listening to music, allowing others in the room, etc.)

You want to look back on your pregnancy experience as a good one.  If you do feel intimated, just remember, YOU AER YOUR OWN ADVOCATE.  And there are plenty of other doctors out there if you aren't totally comfortable with your current choice!

Pregnancy Advice - What to Bring to the Hospital

WHAT TO BRING TO THE HOSPITAL:

Pillow

Robe

Toiletries

There's the list! OK, I am exaggerating, but ignore the books or magazines that tell you to bring DVD's, magazines, CD's, snacks, ETC. I brought BAGS of stuff and used none of it. I didn't even turn on the TV the entire time I was in the hospital. I loved having my own pillow for comfort (I also brought a little blankie of mine) and also liked having it to prop me up in bed. It is great to have a robe because the nurses will want you to walk the halls if you have a c-section. Well, we all know what happens with a hospital gown - there is a flap in the front or back! And bring all of your every day toiletries like your yummy smelling shampoo, your usual toothpaste and bring a blow dryer if you care about that (I did, but only on the last day.)

Another must-have for ME was my laptop. My hospital had wireless internet and my husband and I sent an email with pics within hours of baby being born. I had an email in my 'drafts' folder with every single friend and family's email address in the To: line. And yes, I am embarrassed to admit, I had multiple drafts saved because I knew we would send out pics more than once. But my husband and I are photo-taking nutballs!

I also suggest bringing your Boppy pillow and asking a nurse or lactation consultant to show you how to use it. I had a nurse/consultant help me nurse in every different position and in the bed and in a chair, with a regular pillow and a boppy.

A friend also told me to bring cheap flip flops to wear in the shower. A lot of women have showered before you...

Also, I remember really wondering what I would be able to wear home from the hospital. I read that I should bring an outfit that fit me when I was 4 months pregnant. Now I had a c-section, so I was really sore in the abdomen in addition to still having a belly, but I wore the same outfit home that I wore to the hospital. Those BIG front-flapped pants, a t-shirt and a fleece jacket.

I have a friend who was fixated on looking cute on her way home and NOT wearing maternity clothes. She had this image of herself holding her baby wearing a black dress with a jean jacket. Another of our friend's set her straight and she ended up buying an Old Navy track suit. She at least got her wish and didn't wear maternity clothes. I didn't care at all, I just wanted to be comfy and get home and sit on the sofa.

Lullaby... and GOOD Night!

Recently, my 4-year old had a hard time falling asleep.  This is incredibly rare because we were such sticklers with sleep training.  I tried the usual reasoning efforts, but when those didn’t work, I asked him if he wanted me to sing him songs.  Much to my chagrin, he said yes!  I began to rack my brain for all the songs he loved as a baby, and that got me reminiscing…

From the day my son was born, he loved for me to sing to him.  I have a pretty awful voice, but it soothed him regardless.  Along with rocking, swaying and pacifier-ing, it became a ritual at nap and bed time (I even made up a lullaby!)  It was so essential that I sing without pausing in between songs, that I had a play list in my head.  I would sing the same songs, in the same order, and then repeat.  I was a human iPod.

After that recent night of singing my pre-schooler to sleep, I thought I would document the play list – for you and for me!

Freres Jacques (Are you sleeping?)
Rock-a-Bye Baby
Lullaby and Goodnight
I’m a Little Teapot
Mary Had a Little Lamb
You are My Sunshine
Hush Little Baby
Itsy Bitsy Spider
Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star

And if you are a believer of Christmas and lucky enough to have a baby around November and December, add in some Christmas Carols.

Jingle Bells
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
12 Days of Christmas
Silent Night
Joy to the World
The First Noel
Away in the Manger

Have more lullabies?  Send them to me, so I can add to the list!

Picky Eater... Who is This Child?!

My very vest friend is living in Luxembourg at the moment (how cool!)  We don’t get to talk much over the phone, so email is our main mode of communication.  She emailed me a few days ago asking for help with her 2-year old.  He was a very good eater but all of the sudden, out of the blue, he won’t eat anything but fruit.  I had been meaning to write about how I dealt with my picky eater, so it was perfect timing!

Every child goes through phases where they don’t want to eat much at each meal, don’t want to eat at all OR just want to eat one thing over and over.

My 4-year old son William went through a VERY finicky phase and still has his moments, usually at dinner.  I am very proud of how I handle(d) it outwardly.  Inwardly, I take it personally and it makes me a little frustrated and a lot crazy.

But here is my advice, given to me by my pediatrician.  Put three well-balanced meals in front of him every single day and then let him decide if he wants to eat it or not. And he will go hungry PLENTY of the time at this age. William still skips dinner a lot. He sits there and rolls his eyes, haws and hems, but then just goes upstairs for bed without dinner once my husband and I finish.

To delve a little deeper, here are some additional suggestions.
 
If he asks for more fruit, tell him he needs to eat two bites of chicken first (or broccoli, etc.)  I am sure you have heard that you aren’t supposed to withhold “treats” unless he eats his growing food first.  This is an important rule to follow.  Never say that your child can't have a cookie unless he eats his all of his meal.  But you can tell him he can’t have any more cheese unless he eats a bite of “insert healthy food here.”
 
One other thing we did was made things we knew he loved a couple of times a week.
My son’s favorites were quesadillas and pizza, so we would cut up microscopic bites of
green beans and chicken and hide it in both. We also filled both with canned black olives b/c he loves those. If you do hide healthy foods in his main entree, make sure to always put the green bean or other vegetable on his plate as a side, so he knows that it is important to eat the healthy foods.  This won’t happen overnight, but by the time he goes to school, he’ll start learning about growing foods, sometime foods, and once in a while foods.
 
And finally, how do you handle "treats"? You don’t want to be too strict or your kids will obsess over the sweet yummies.  But you also want them to eat treats in moderation.  My son was really frustrating because he was always asking for a treat after every lunch and dinner.  But I never wanted to give him one at dinner, because he never ate his meal!  

Soooo, we instilled a rule that he gets a treat after lunch every day.  I give him two choices and they are usually pretty healthy (yogurt or all-natural vanilla cookies, for example.)  I did this because he is generally a good lunch eater. But we don't do treats after dinner at all unless we are at a friend's, out with family, having a special dinner at our house, etc. This has worked great for us.  He still asks for a treat some nights, but he knows not to expect it.  I give him credit for trying!

Good luck parents!

Advice for Parents by Parents

I recently posted a request on Facebook for readers to send me the best piece of parenting advice they had received.  Here are the responses.  And please keep sending them, I will post everything!

 

The first 12 weeks is triage, just get through it the best you can.

Eventually, you'll hit the "Blockbuster Phase" and all is downhill from there.  This refers to the time after baby is born, when you and your spouse can sit through a movie on the couch, without falling asleep.

Something green is better than nothing green, on a plate.  Eventually, they will try it.

The dirtier the bath water, the better the day.

Remember, everything is just a phase… the good and the bad!

Instead of “sharing” call it “taking turns.”  It works much better for preschoolers.

"1-2-3, eyes on me" really gets a child’s attention.  This can also be used for discipline.  Threaten to count to 3 if child doesn't come to the dinner table, brush teeth, etc.  If you do count and you do get to 3, a timeout is issued.  (Always give the child a warning that you are going to count if the request isn't completed.)

Use your chicken wing!  (referring to covering your cough or sneeze with the crook of your elbow instead of your hand.)

Thanks to everyone for sharing their favorite piece of advice.  Next I will blog your funniest "kid" stories, so send those too!