Funny Kid Stories - Just for Fun!

Kids say the DARNEDEST things!  Here are just a few that you shared with me.  Keep them coming and I'll add them to this post!

NEW!

Lily (6) began selling Girl Scout Cookies today and I asked David (4) if he was going to buy a box from her.  He promptly responded "Nope, I can't afford it."

 

While driving in the car one morning, out of the blue, my 4-year old son said “Mom, how do GIRLS pee?”

Another day, he said "Mom, if a Portuguese Man-o-War (type of jellyfish) stung a vampire, would the vampire die?"

I was just telling funny kid stories with my coworkers, and one told me a really good one! When her daughter was 3, their cat died so she and her husband told little Anna that the kitty was in Heaven now. Anna looked at them and said "what would Jesus want with a dead cat?"

I just asked my son what he wanted for Christmas.

Son: "A bird."

Me: "A bird....why a bird?"

Son: "Cuz I've never had a bird before."

Me: "Huh." 

My son Jack had a substitute teacher last week for kindergarten.  Before school that day, I told Jack that his substitute teacher was one of my teachers in high school.  He got to school and told Mrs. G that Amy B… is his mom and she told him that she was my English teacher in high school.  That night, Jack asked me if I spoke Spanish before Dad and I got married.  Why else would I need an English teacher?

Here is the conversation that my son and I had on the home from school.

David: "DANG IT!"

Me: "David, little kids shouldn't say dang it."

David: "I'm really mad cuz I forgot my gloves at school"

Me: "You should say 'Oh,no....or I'm mad' instead of dang it."

David: (after thinking a bit) "Nope, I have to say dang it.....those other words don't sound mad enough."

I have two stories.  The funny thing is that they are not from my own children.  

Nanny Mom (Ruth) and I took my nanny kid (Caitlin) to get her hair cut for the first time.  She had really curly hair so an official cut was not necessary until she was close to three.  She sat through the entire hair cutting appointment silent and smiling as if something amazing was going to happen to her appearance.  I was shocked because she was so opinionated and dramatic about certain things but she completely surprised me on said visit.  After the stylist was done doing her "thing", Caitlin welled up with tears which surprised us all.  When Nanny Mom (Ruth) asked her what was wrong she said, "I wanted my hair cut LONG like Nanny MoMo's!"

I used to care for these kids in Rancho Santa Fe, CA.  One of the kids was a boy named Griffin.  He was the oldest at four years old.  He eventually had a brother named Graham and a sister named Avery.  This story is about Griffin.  The family I babysat for (every weekend) had a lawn like a putting green and a fantastic view of the Pacific Ocean.  Dr. Nanny Family was an avid golfer so he made his lawn a place of relaxation.  The eldest son, Griffin, took a liking to golf and spent a lot of time on the lawn paying golf.  When you said the phrase' keep your eye on the ball' he would lean down and put his actual eye on the actual golf ball.  It was complete innocence of instruction.

I just said to Anna, "I'm hungry for breakfast."  Her reply, "I'm not hungry, I'm just beautiful."

My 3-year old came into my room at about 5:47am, asking for macaroni for breakfast.  I told him we eat macaroni for dinner.  There was a 2 second pause and then he asked if we could go downstairs and eat dinner. 

I came home from work and my son had put two of his Thomas Trains in time out.  He slid the chair over to the nook where he serves his timeouts and had made my husband set the timer.

My almost 4-year old ran into the room where I was, and very urgently said "mom, can you help me put my tutu on!!"  I was staring at him stumped (and a little worried) and then he said, "you know, my baseball tutu."

"OH, tattoo!"  I said.