Preschooler Advice - When You Need to Start Disciplining

I just received a need for help with a 3-year old boy.  My friend said that her son has always been very physical (likes to rough house, etc) and when frustrated or mad, tends to hit, flail or even bite.  She and her husband used to ignore the behavior and just redirect, but that has stopped working. 

I specifically remember when, around 3, my son started hitting me when he would get frustrated.  Kids at that age have such emotions, and are starting to process so much, but they don’t know how to express themselves yet.  And they certainly can’t reason through the problem. 

My first suggestion was that she should no longer ignore the behavior.  A 3-year old needs to learn that hitting is not OK, and therefore some mild, but firm discipline is in order.  And secondly, never retaliate.  Never spank, pat or even playfully hit back.  This just shows your child that his role model hits as a solution.  So you hit your kid, he hits his baby sister.  Or worse, a kid at school!

There are 2 phrases I learned from our wonderful preschool director. (They are cheesy and sooo not me, but they work!)

1. Find my eyes and

2. Use your words. 

Over time, these phrases will really help you nip any inappropriate behavior.  And will also help when teaching appropriate behavior and manners.

Let's say you tell your son to do something and instead he hits you.  You need a special (stern, calm and not loud) voice, and you need to make eye contact and so does he.  "MAX,” pause, pause, wait for him to look at you.  If he doesn't, say his name again.  Kids have a hard time hearing you/concentrating when they are doing something else, or caught up in aggression, so if you say their name and pause, often, they WILL look up.  That little pause can do wonders.  If he doesn't look up after a couple of tries, say, "Max, find my eyes please."  And don't say anything until he does.  Once he looks up, give him one command (“we do NOT HIT.”  OR “it’s time to come to the dinner table.”)

And now that my son is almost five, I use this phrase a lot because we are teaching him manners - when we recently ran into a family friend at Whole Foods and she was asking William questions and he started answering towards the bottom of the cart.  Or every morning when he is dropped off at school, I whisper in his ear, "remember, find Mrs. Smith's eyes and say good morning."

Anyway, once he has found your eyes, you continue in your stern voice "WE DO NOT HIT."  Now that might be enough, you decide.  Or maybe you say that hitting hurts people and he needs to please use his words instead.  If not, or if he throws a tantrum, I have found counting to be MAGIC.  In fact, there is a book called something like 1, 2, 3 Magic. 

You would say, in your stern, but not loud voice, "Max, you need to calm down, not hit, whatever, or I am going to count."  And then I repeat it "Max, if you don't stop hitting, I am going to count to 3."  (The first time I just say I am going to count, then the second time I say "to three."  Then, if he doesn't calm down, you say "Max, I am going to count to 3, if you don't stop hitting by the time I get to 3, you will have a timeout."  Or have to go to your room, etc.  And our MOST DRASTIC, is taking away books at bedtime. 

Then, you must immediately start counting.  Don't ever threaten to count, and then keep threatening it.  DO IT.  And I would say 95% of the time (still), my son stops what he is doing before I get to four (I count to four now since he is four.) 

Then, you thank him and redirect him.  "Thank you for not hitting, let's go color."  OR, “thank you for brushing your teeth, let’s go put our PJ’s on and pick out some books!”  And you'll have to do this a million times before it sinks in.

And if you DO get to 3, and you want to do a timeout, it has to always be in the same spot.  I would pull a chair over to a corner of the kitchen and tell him he has to sit there for 3 minutes, and then set the microwave timer.  The key is that there is no talking during timeout.  So if he tries to talk to you, ask if it’s over, etc. say "no talking during timeout" ONE time, and never say anything else to him.  If he gets up, you walk over, put him back, and then go back into the kitchen and continue to fake organize the pantry, or in other words, stay close to him so you know if he is doing the timeout, but look busy so he doesn't bother you.  Be a robot during timeout.

This all might sound crazy to you, or too stern, but trust me, NIP ALL THIS NOW.  Discipline gets sooo much harder as they start to reason, manipulate, play with other kids, etc.  Get rules in place so he knows you are the boss.  And just figure out what works for you.  If he doesn't care that you put him in a timeout, then take away books at bedtime.  All of this will be painful on both of you at first, but eventually, it works!  Just remember, you are doing your child a disservice by not giving him structure, routine and rules.  Mild discipline is a GOOD THING.

Just for Fun - Rainy Day Activities Part III

This project was something that my son actually did at preschool and then they sent the directions home in each child's backpack.  We tried it out recently and it was EASY as can be, quick from start to finish, and so much fun (for both of us!)

RAINBOW TOAST

What you'll need:

white bread
milk
4 juice cups
food coloring
a new paintbrush
toaster
butter

Directions:

Pour about 1/4 cup milk into each juice cup.
Add 5-10 drops of food coloring to each cup of milk and mix well (to make 4 very bright colors.)
Decorate white bread with rainbows, letters, polka dots, etc.
Lightly toast bread.
Butter Toast.
Eat your creation!

Mixing the milk (the 4th color we made was green.)

The final creation below (mom got into it too!)

Have fun and email me photos of YOUR Rainbow Toast!

Just for Fun - Rainy Day Activities Part II

TIC-TAC-TOE Project

My son and I actually did this project on an unbearably hot day this summer.  I found it on www.kaboose.com, which is a TERRIFIC resource for fun and easy craft ideas.

WHAT YOU WILL NEED:

Scissors

Glue

Cereal box

One piece of felt or construction paper

Food coloring

Spaghetti

Pinwheel pasta (O game pieces)

Farfalle Pasta (X game pieces)

1. Mix 2-3 drops of two different food coloring colors in two separate bowls, with ¼ cup water each.  Add Pinwheel pasta to one and Farfalle pasta to the other (about 6-10 piece of each.)  Let them soak for 20 minutes.
2. Cut the back of a cereal box (use the entire rectangle, then recycle the rest of the box.)  Glue a piece of felt or construction paper to the piece of cereal box.
3. Glue spaghetti to felt or construction paper, in the shape of a tic-tac-toe board.
4. Let Pinwheel and Farfalle dry on a paper towel for several hours after soaking is complete.

Good luck and have fun!

Email me photos of any of your projects and I’ll post them here! 

Christina’s email:

info@mommywisdom.net

Just for Fun - Rainy Day Activities Part I

Rain or shine, sun or snow, I feel like on most days, I am trying to think of activities for my preschooler.  We usually do something out of the house in the morning and he has "quiet time" in the afternoon, but there are still lots of pockets of time to fill - after breakfast, and before dinner, for example.  We play board games, watch PBS shows and play tic-tac-toe, but some days, it isn't enough!

This "Just for Fun" blog will be devoted to a fun activity that you and your kid(s) can do around your house, and you should have all the equipment that you need.

Today, my son and I made a book (sort of.)  I found a white binder I hadn't used since I attended meetings oh so long ago.  I took computer paper and three-hole punched a bunch of pieces.  Our book was called "Anything Alphabet."  My son is obsessed with the alphabet and writing words and "Anything Alphabet" is a game we usually play on his Doodle-Pro.  I always wish that we could save his Doodle-Pro pictures, so this was a perfect solution. 

The first page was a title page that I made and slipped into the front of the binder.  Then, we went through each letter and he picked a word (sometimes I helped to think of a good one) and then he drew the word and the picture.  He also did a "The End" page where we wrote the entire alphabet with his name.

My plan is to continue making "books" and adding them to this binder.  His other favorite game (that he created) is called "Stinky Alphabet."  I think we will do that next.  I can't imagine what pictures he will draw!

Toddler Advice - Getting Your Child to Eat "Growing Foods"

Almost every mom has stressed about getting their child to eat certain foods.  I have a friend whose daughter loves vegetables, but won’t eat fruit!  My son has always loved fruit, but for the longest time, would not eat most veggies and never chicken or beef. 

I talk to a lot of my mom friends when I have a dilemma.  For this issue, I asked all the moms I know to give me good ideas that worked for them.  How do you get your child to eat those dreaded “growing foods?”

1. Use toothpicks – stack 3 things on a toothpick.  For example, cut up small squares of tortilla, then put a small piece of ham, and then a square of cheese.  Stick a toothpick in it and call it “Tortilla Squares.”
2. Mini wraps – wrap a square of cheese around an asparagus tip.  Also works with a piece of deli meat.
3. Ketchup – make a smiley face out of ketchup on child’s plate.  My son loves tilapia with ketchup.  Whatever works!
4. Smoothies – put frozen veggies in the blender with your favorite smoothie ingredients (frozen yogurt, fresh or frozen strawberries and a banana.)  You really can’t taste the veggies!
5. Cookie cutters – my son loves when ne make “moon sandwiches.”  I cut the bread and the cheese in a crescent moon shape and then add some ham or turkey.
6. Don’t ever say your child can have a treat if they eat their veggies (or any growing food.)  BUT, if he wants a second piece of cheese, bread, etc, then tell him he has to eat two bites of broccoli first.
7. Once in a while, have “same color meals.”  Make omelets with pineapple and yellow squash as your sides.
8. If you hide pureed veggies in your Sloppy Joes (a la Jessica Seinfeld), make sure to also put a side of the veggie on your child’s plate. 

The tips above easy and fun ideas for you to try.  But the most important tips I can give you, now that my 4 ½ year old eats almost anything (after being INCREDIBLY picky for 2 years or so,) is, don’t give up.  It is true that if your child sees it enough times, they will try it.  And give them plenty of variety every night.  And make sure they see you eating it.  AND, it is OK if they go without dinner a few times a week until they learn that they get what they get and if they don’t eat it, they’ll go hungry!

Do you have a great tip that worked for you?  Let me know and I will add it to this post!

Just for Fun - My Summer Reading List 2011

I am in a great book club that reads a lot of thought provoking books.  In addition to the book club book, I read 2-3 others a month.  I love getting suggestions from friends, and even more, I love giving suggestions of good books to read.  I enjoy reading historical fiction and memoirs, but also the occasional "beach read" which means it is easy and fast.

Whether you are an avid reader, or just need to find a book for your summer vaca, here are my suggestions.

My All-Time Faves:

Memoirs of a Geisha

Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil

Cutting for Stone

Outlander (8-book series)

The Help

Water for Elephants
The Forbidden Garden

Memoirs:
Angela's Ashes
The Glass Castle
Left to Tell: Discovering God Amidst the Rwandan Holocaust

Historical Fiction:

The Paris Wife

The Other Boleyn Girl

The Apothecary's Daughter

Girl with the Pearl Earring

Thought-provoking:

Mudbound
House Rules

The Hours

White Oleander

Classics:

Frankenstein

Wives and Daughters

The Beautiful and Damned

A Moveable Feast

1984

Animal Farm

Just for Fun:

Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood

Secret Life of Bees

Bridget Jones' Diary

Valley of the Dolls

Hunger Games (3-book series)

Twilight (4-book series)

Harry Potter (7-book series)

Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (3-book series)

Any Chelsea Handler book

All the Fun Books I Hope to Read this Summer:

Bossypants

Stories I only Tell my Friends

Lies Chelsea Handler Told Me

Place of Yes

Do you have a suggestion for me?  Please let me know, I love a good book! 

Happy Summer Reading!!

Family Advice - Nutrition: Going Organic & All-Natural, Make Small Changes!

I recently visited my friend Sara who is UBER healthy.  She makes every effort to eat organic, well-balanced meals, and she shops "local" as often as possible.  Every time I see her, I roll my eyes at her obsession with food (she eats figs dipped in almond butter for breakfast!)  But once I get home, and process (ie weed out) her suggestions, I always take a few of them to heart.

I am an "everything in moderation" mom.  I try my hardest not to buy anything with hydrogenated oil (a chemically processed fat source) or high fructose corn syrup (a hidden form of sugar derived from corn, found in MANY products).  I buy organic for some things, and I limit my son's intake of sugar.  But I also realize that he will always get that sucker open from the hairdresser before I can stop him.  And if he goes to a birthday party and has grocery store birthday cake, that's OK, because it has to be.  I certainly can't tell him he can't eat cake with his friends.  And other parents might snub me if I brought a healthy alternative for him!  

I decided that I would share a few things I have learned from Sara, as well as what I have learned after reading up on " going organic," plus suggest small things you can do to better your family's daily nutrition.  And I'll conclude with my grocery store adventures.  I go to 3-4 different stores a week!

First, are you overwhelmed by the thought of "going organic?"  I still fret at the price of organic produce!  Never fear, it is better (for your sanity) to do it gradually anyway.  Here are the top suggestions on what to buy organic next time you are at Whole Paycheck... I mean Whole Foods.  Google any of the things listed below for a more detailed explanation.

1. These fruits and veggies are believed to have the highest level of pesticides - apples, grapes, pears, strawberries, nectarines, peaches, cherries, spinach, celery, potatoes, carrots, tomatoes and leafy greens.

2. Raisins, Ketchup & Peanut Butter - raisins should be thought of as just like grapes, organic ketchup has much higher levels of antioxidants and the peanut starts as a flower which can often have mold on it, which is treated with a fungiside.

3. Milk - most adults drink small servings of milk, but families are switching to organic because they worry about their kids having future effects from the antibiotics, artificial hormones and pesticides used in the commercial dairy industry.

4. Meat - after watching Food, Inc. (LOVED it, please watch it!) I now buy only grass-fed, hormone free beef and air-chilled, hormone free chicken.

5. Coffee - many of our coffee beans are produced in countries that have not yet begun to regulate use of pesticides.

What about "all-natural?"  This is the first thing I did alter once my son was born.  I buy Annie's Cheddar Bunnies instead of Goldfish, for example.  Read labels!  Stay away from anything with hydrogenated oil or corn byproducts.  Unfortunately, there are a ton of different names for corn byproducts.  The two most common I have seen are high fructose corn syrup which is a sweetener and xanthan gum which keeps a product's ingredients from separating (like salad dressing.)  Others include corn syrup, cornstarch, glucose and dextrose.  Why do you need HFCS in Heinz ketchup?  Surely when Heinz was invented in 1876, it was "all-natural."  Have you noticed the NEW product, called "Simply Heinz?"  It is Heinz ketchup without HFCS.  Manufacturers ARE listening to us! 

Another thing to keep in your back pocket is “fresh is always better.”  Cut up an apple for a snack rather than a fruit roll-up.  Put out organic mini carrots with “dipping sauce” which can be homemade hummus or quick and easy “ranch.”  (see very bottom of this article for EASY hummus recipe.)

And finally, what are some easy things you can do in your kitchen to cook and bake healthier?

1. Use olive oil - if a recipe calls for butter or vegetable oil, use olive oil instead

2. Use coconut oil - this is a great substitute for butter.  Whether in baking, on toast, or added to your oatmeal, coconut oil is a "god fat."  It comes in a jar, hard as a rock, so skim some off with a spoon and microwave to liquid form, then measure.

3. Use honey - cut the sugar in your cookie recipe in half and use sugar.  OR, if you are Sara, take out the sugar completely and use only honey.

4. Eat almond butter over peanut butter - almonds are a much better fat source than peanuts.  If you can't give up your PB, make sure you buy all-natural or organic.  The Reduced Fat PB has high-fructose corn syrup and the peanut flowers were probably treated with pesticides.

5. Find great web sites with easy, kid-friendly, healthy meals like www.weelicious.com, my personal favorite!

You want to live as long as possible.  You want to instill good eating habits in your kids.  And raising good, healthy children is your most important job in life.  So if it takes a little longer to find healthy recipes, or if it costs a little extra money to eat organic or all-natural foods, do it.  Or start to do it.

And if want to keep reading, listed below are the grocery stores I shop at and some of the healthy items I buy (as cheap as possible!)  The last two are local to Omaha, my current hometown.

Trader Joe’s – I get a lot of my son's treats there (I think it is important for him to not feel deprived at home and therefore want to binge on treats at a friend’s house.)  We get the all-natural vanilla cookies there and the all-natural graham crackers.  I also like their Mac-N-Cheese (more flavorful than the Annie’s that he used to eat.  And CHEAPER.)  I also get the chicken nuggets and tilapia fish nuggets there.  He LOVES all the typical kid food, so I try and do it in moderation and buy healthy brands.  My husband and I love the hummus and kettle corn from Trader Joe’s.  And the Irish steel cut oats are sooo cheap.  I do read labels at Trader Joe's, after seeing that their salad dressing contained Xanthan gum.

Whole Foods – this is sooo pricey!  But I love the fresh meats and chickens, plus I get the organic hot dogs there with whole wheat buns.  And I am personally obsessed with their chicken salad but that is exorbitant, so that is once in a while.  I get the 365 Peanut Butter and 365 Raisins there too.  Some things ARE cheaper there like quinoa, raw nuts and organic yogurt.

Target – I think the only thing we get there is the Annies Natural Cheddar Bunnies (a substitute for Goldfish.)

Wal-Mart – believe it or not!!  They have GREAT prices on organic cereals, yogurts (Yo Baby for example) and the Elmo cookies are super cheap (in baby aisle.)  I also get our jam there (it is the 100% fruit kind by Polaner.)  I also get 100% Maple Syrup there.  They also have Amy’s Frozen foods (veggie lasagna is good.)

Hy-Vee – I get my son's apple juice there.  Hy-Vee is the only place that has a large-sized jug of “Not from Concentrate” AJ.  It is made by Musselman’s.  Even Whole Foods 365 is from concentrate.  I also like a few of the products in the Health Market by Amy’s and Annie’s.  We also love the Indian Curry Sauce (Patak’s is the brand.)  We get the Smart Chicken there and the white turkey made by Honeysuckle.  After watching Food, Inc. (which I was surprised that I LOVED) I have become crazy about what meats/chicken/fish to buy.  

Wohlner’s – this is in Aksarben and is family owned.  We love their bread, bagels and AMAZING frozen pitas.  But I get all our lunch meat there because there are no nitrates in the brand that they carry (Boar’s Head.)  Broadmoor in Countryside also has Boar’s Head, but it is more $$.  Wohlner’s also has fish flown in every day.

Easy Hummus:

Combine the following in a blender or food processor-
chick peas/garbonzo beans (1 can, rinsed and drained)
tahini (2 tbsp)
EVOO (3 tbsp)
garlic (2-3 cloves)
lemon juice from half a lemon